Reining In Self-Pity
Learning to rein in self-pity took me years of practice, therapy and plenty of reading, but I feel much more at ease with myself because of it.
Here are four ways I’ve learned to get unstuck from feeling sorry for myself. I hope they help you too!
1. Understand that you’re not the only one
If you:
- Come from a family that doesn’t like to talk about their problems (like I did)
- Have a small social circle (like me) or
- You’ve been spending a lot of time on social media (also guilty)
Then you might feel like the only one who has major challenges. But I promise you aren’t.
Don’t believe me? Try finding a forum for people that deal with your issue. You’ll likely discover some who have it worse than you and others who have suggestions that could help you.
And if you can, muster your courage and really talk to someone you respect about how your situation makes you feel, and ask them about what challenges they’ve faced. You may be surprised by how much they can relate.
2. Accept that it’s terrible and it did happen to you
“But it wasn’t supposed to be like this!”
I get it. You’re probably right and life would have been much better if it hadn’t happened. But what makes you exempt from experiencing it?
Sadly, there is no proof that you can earn your way out of troubles & tragedies by being a good person. Being a human here on earth subjects you to other humans, diseases, natural disasters, etc. Isn’t one of them bound to hit you eventually?
Even knowing this, it’s hard not to ask “Why did this happen to me?” But…
3. Stop asking “Why?”
It’s usually the wrong question and it can lead to more frustration that healing. In my experience, the best thing you can ask yourself, after you’ve processed some pain, is “What will I do about it now?”
Because that’s all you can do. We all want to understand why, but sometimes you have to let go of that question for your own sanity.
4. Practice appreciation
I think religion is really onto something with this one. Christians give thanks to God before supper, Shintoists show appreciation to the spirits of inanimate objects and the Knight Solaire of Astora shows gratitude by praising the sun.
But you don’t have to be religious to practice finding things to be grateful for. Take some time at lunch to consider the people you care about. Before bed, think of times when you didn’t have comforts that you have now.
Appreciation is the antithesis of self-pity and is excellent for your mental health. When you’re focusing on the things you appreciate, it’s hard to feel bad for yourself.
For further reading:
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
